I’m Telling Y’all it’s Sabotage

Sometimes I really don’t make the best choices.
Yesterday was filled with bad ones.

There was a random cattle call for Spider-man 4 yesterday here in Charlotte (yes…there will be a 4th). I was excited to be put on the list and given the opportunity to audition for the movie, set to start filming in February. I was not very excited about the fact that auditions didn’t start until 4pm and I had somewhere to be at 7pm a pretty hefty distance away.

I decided to show up early so I could get seen early and then not have to rush to my next fabulous thing (more on that later). There were no assigned times and a billion people showed up to this random Caribbean Restaurant (Really?) which could not hold us. They asked us to line up outside. It was 87 or more degrees. Yay.

I got a little nervous because I needed to stay pretty and I also needed to sing in a couple hours. The Casting Director was late and it was a very slow process. I finally got seen at 5:30 – the time I had decided I needed to leave. The CD was nice, I guess. But I read my monologue for him and was not asked to read it again on camera. Woohoo waste of time!

So, I run to my car, get my directions set and hit the road.

Crap. Traffic. ALL the traffic.

I mean, seriously, I’ve never seen so much red on the little traffic map before in my life! 3 crazy accidents all one the first highway I needed. My loving husband furiously searched for an alternate route for me. (He’s so sweet.)  The alternate route, while more helpful than the parking lot that was 85 south, was full of lights. 14 miles of lights. Needless to say, I was not making it on time to my next gig.

Let’s take a moment to take in what the next gig was:

A Master Class with Stephen Schwartz.
Stephen. F*ing. Schwartz.

You don’t know him? Here’s a link http://www.stephenschwartz.com/
You don’t feel like clicking? He wrote the music for such musicals and movies as Godspell, Pippin, The Prince of Egypt, Wicked and Enchanted. You’ve heard of him now.

Since I paid my first born to sing for this man, you can imagine how upset I was that I was going to be no less than 20 minutes late. Unless I could somehow alter the time-space continuum, those were the facts. I pretty much panicked the entire drive. The Clater Kaye Theatreworks people were very kind and said it was alright that I’d be late.  But still. Who wants to make that sort of impression?

The class was great. There was a Q&A at the beginning and I got to find out a lot about Stephen’s style, influences and pet peeves! At about 8:30, we finally started singing. 10 would go at a time and Stephen (as well as collaborators on a review they’re doing in Hickory) would critique us one by one.

At 10:00-ish it was finally time for me to sing! I picked the song I do the best – coincidentally Schwartz’s favorite song he’s ever written – “Stranger to the Rain.” I was exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically. I almost switched to something else that was easier on my voice, but I came there to sing HIS song. So I did.

It wasn’t bad. It was pretty good for the state I was in, but it wasn’t great. It needed to BE great. I felt myself fall out of character. The accompanist wasn’t amazing (it’s not an easy piece). I pushed my high D. I knew it wasn’t there but I tried anyway. Again, it wasn’t bad. I got a lot of praise from the class because it was a good enough audition. But it wasn’t clear or easy. It needs to be both.

Stephen Schwartz is a doll. He is sooooo nice. I ❤ him. His critique was fair and far kinder than I thought I deserved. He wants me to concentrate on making my break less obvious and told me to work on my high belt so it sounds less forced. (Yup. I know!!) He did say it started out really really well, though. (That was sweet) He did not, however, invite me to be in his next Broadway hit show 🙂

How did I “sabotage” myself?

1. I knew the Spider-man thing would make it too close.
2. Instead of breathing, I freaked out the entire drive.
3. I did not hydrate myself well-enough
4. Knowing my voice was tired, I should have switched songs.
5. I was never “in” my song. I know better than that!

Until I can walk into a room and rock the crap out of anything – no matter my mood or physical or emotional well-being – I’m not ready for the big time. How seriously to I take this? That is a very scary question that I have been avoiding answering for a long time. I need to get my priorities straight and figure out exactly what I want with my life. If it’s what I already have then I need to start appreciating that or I need to start being WAY more proactive.



8 Responses to “I’m Telling Y’all it’s Sabotage”

  1. Sounds like you’ve got a great head on your shoulders. Whatever you decide, I know it will be from the heart and you’ll give it your all. I’m excited to have a chance to be your fan, your friend, or both!

    Remember to enjoy yourself, too!

  2. Kristonious is the very best of people.

    Looking at how honestly you regard not only your skills but your approach to your career is so ridiculously refreshing. I know far too many people who keep this mentality that if they want something bad enough, it will just happen automatically. You’ve got the character to recognize that it’s not only the desire, but also the work, the planning, and the ability to look yourself in the mirror and recognize what steps you still have ahead of you.

    You’ve got such an amazing talent, I just know you’ll continue to do better and greater things with it. Now, please please please, keep writing in your blog. It makes me all sorts of happy to know what’s going on in your head.


  3. Love you girl – you are on the right track for sure!

  4. yes, all that they said.

    you sang for STEPHEN F*ING SCHWARTZ!!!! not that i’m jealous or anything… 😉

  5. Jim Van Fleet Says:

    Your words, not mine. Just in case you come back and look and wonder. 😉

  6. Unadulterated words, some truthful words dude. Made my day.

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